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Open Response to Words of Encouragement

I appreciate your words of encouragement, and your heart is clearly in the right place but I’ve misspent my life learning to debate since I was 16.

When I got access to the Internet the very first thing I did with it was find a place to debate what I considered to be at the time the most important issue facing humanity, religion.

I never stopped. I simply changed topics and my views as information forced me to evolve.

See, I actually don’t feel that strongly about most topics by default. I realize now I have a nature and nurture trait allowing me to be critically open minded. All it takes to change my position is fact.

Establishing that fact and what that might require depends on the subject of course but I’m always willing to revise my position in favor of reality.

Ironically my desire to climb into my filter bubble is proof of this fact.

I am admitting that I’ve wasted my life for the most part laboring under a false assumption. That people from their opinions rationally and then invest emotionally, when in fact they invest emotionally first and then rationalize that emotional position, regardless of facts.

I’ve been called flavors of autistic my entire life. I realize now that this emotional difference in me is what allows for critical thinking.

In effect I’ve been writing for humanity thinking humanity operated like off duty scientists when in fact if I wanted to influence humanity I should have utterly abandoned logical rigor and instead learned music and public relations.

I realize that controversy is not the opposite of persuasion. But look at my blog, look at my book. I’m not being opposed, I’m being ignored. That’s the real opposite of persuasion.

I and my work are non factors.

Maybe in the distant future when this era’s Internet is downloaded and parsed by an AI, my memetic legacy if any will be noted and recorded, that is I’ll be recognized as having gone on record ahead of the curve, assuming the future plays out remotely like I expect, but little else.

These things I’ve written about will come to pass, or will be taken care of being of people far better at influencing the mob than I am, people who already agree with me and don’t need my logic to inform them.

People like you for example. Clearly you have more patience and more people skills. I can’t even drive or make a phone call. All I can do is write and I’ve been writing the wrong things, especially considering my social position, or lack there of.

I have ~1000 followers on G+and around 500 daily visitors to my blog but 99% of my comments come from a group of readers who I can count on my fingers. A group that tellingly doesn’t even include my family. Though in their defense we speak in person.

The people who agree with me don’t feel the need to read my work because they agree, the people who don’t have no desire to challenge their views, and if they do they’ll pick a more meaningful socially opponent than me.

The sad fact is when it comes to the expression of a fact or piece of logic, it really doesn’t matter what is said, but rather who is saying it. This fact is sad because if I had believed that when I was 16 maybe I wouldn’t have wasted my time trying to explain the obvious to the oblivious.

There are over a billion English speaking people on earth. And exactly one person has downloaded my book on smashwords and no one has reviewed my book on amazon.

I’ve gotten one outsider comment on my blog in the last 6 months, and the ads on my blog made literally less than a penny’s worth of bitcoin in a similar amount of time.

The offhand remarks of even the most vapid super model or brain damaged athlete or drug addled rock star influence humanity more than my entire body of work.

My only consolation is that being open minded has allowed me to join sides with the winning team (technology.) The world will turn out as I expect or better or I’ll be too dead to care. Though I must admit it probably will have nothing to do with my efforts.

I am rebuilding my life and trying to recover from or work around my disabilities. I’m in my 30s but I feel about 15 in terms of life progress, only I’ve already had my chances to build social circles and accidentally start a family.

Any progress I make now is going to be fiscal or deeply personal.

Updated: June 14, 2013 — 4:33 pm

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